Ambushed

I took a long drive this morning to Starbucks and spent most of the trip in reflection mode. I wasn’t ready for the spiritual bomb that was about to be dropped on my heart.

And it wasn’t a “new” truth – I’ve known it for the better part of two decades. But it seemed new this morning, especially since it hit me in a moment of severe and arrogant ingratitude. Bear with me while I explain.

The post-college life, at least for me, seems to be characterized by uncertainty on most every front. I’m currently job searching and finding myself caught between the pragmatic tyranny of pursuing any job in order to put food on the table or holding out for a job that’s at least somewhat closely-aligned with the vocational direction to which (I think) the Lord is calling. I want to take hold of the full responsibilities of manhood, but I don’t want to be solely governed by the pragmatic (a perspective, which, if truthfully expressed, is a lack of faith). Therefore, my life right = waiting.

(And I know we all hate waiting, but I wonder if I hate it more than most. I seem to instantly languish without a motion to some purpose or objective. Really bad at chilling out.)

Waiting on this organization to call me back about an application. Waiting on that person’s assistant to write back about scheduling a definite date and time for a meeting. Waiting to see if preferred housing options will still be available once the job is secured. Waiting on a lot of fairly important situations over which I have very little control, but that could be resolved by a simple word from someone else.

This morning found me blasting this process by naming off the people I wish would “go to bat for me.” Give me a leg up. Show a little interest. Help my cause.

I knew I was complaining, knew I was whining, knew I was being arrogant. So I stopped – and probably gave the heavens my rueful “I’m being a jerk right now, aren't I?” face.

Of course I was. After a few grumbling deep breaths, I begrudgingly began to list off those who HAD gone to bat for me – and I was shocked at the length of the list. It far outstripped the number of those on the previous roster. So I kept thinking and calming down before the rousing, tear-inducing conclusion burst upon my mind like a violent thunderstorm of sweet rain…

Someone has already gone to bat for me, has already taken my place, has already said, “He’s mine.” Christ, King of Heaven and Earth, has advocated my cause on the universe’s grandest stage and secured for all eternity the answer to my greatest of questions and deepest of needs. Why now should I doubt his provision for temporal things when He’s already won the important of all victories? It was humbling, to say the least, but joyous at the same time. My worries didn’t stand a chance against the promises etched by the Holy One into the eternal cosmos.

I can only pray that the refresher course that ambushed me this morning will with each day become less of an assumed spiritual truth and more of a life-altering reality. Jehovah Jireh.

“It is atheism to pray and not wait in hope.”

~Richard Sibbes~